PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize