i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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