it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
