why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
