my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
