Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
