Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
