Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
