in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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