I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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