i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
