I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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