I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
