I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
where are you?
Hypothermia
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
