Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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