just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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