I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
