I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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