I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
