today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
