She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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