I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
