she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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