id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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