I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
