trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You smell like stripper and shame
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
