careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
