Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
