come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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