fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
