Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
