I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
