he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
