Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
