am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
