3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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