She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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