Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
