He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Randomize
