is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
