going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
