Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
