I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
