I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
