no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
