Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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