why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
