Please, let me fuck your mom
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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