i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
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This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
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At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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