i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
