Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize