Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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