When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
