sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
