Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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