I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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