Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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