I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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