yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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