he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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