I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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