Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
