Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
