i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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