Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
