They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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