So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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