just come out here and I will go home with you...
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
