somebody snuck up and got me drunk
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
