is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
