Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
50% drunk capacity currently
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
