I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
