I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
