I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Randomize
