I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I believe in your delicious
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
