You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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