Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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