last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
