Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
