i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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