Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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