I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
