Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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