chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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