Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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