Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Houston, we have a squirter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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