is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
