the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
