I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
