yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I wish I could teleport
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
